alan7388

Polyamory in the news

2009-11-06T12:38:41Z

New breakthroughs have been happening in awareness and recognition of the polyamory alternative. Newsweek, CNN, ABC’s Nightline, MTV, bigtime evangelical media — if you haven’t kept up with Polyamory in the News in the last four months (or signed up for the nice LJ friends feed or other syndication service), here’s some of what you’ve missed:

According to Newsweek online, polyamory is “America's next romantic revolution.” “It's enough to make any monogamist's head spin. But the traditionalists had better get used to it.” The magazine claims the U.S. now has more than half a million poly households, though it doesn’t give any clear source for this number.

The Newsweek author, a few days later, also mused on the Feminist Roots of Polyamory. “The key to poly relationships is gender equality, and women have been central to the creation of the practice.... The way these families make their relationships work is perhaps the most feminine of all: by good old-fashioned talking....”

The president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary gives a big swath of the evangelical world an accurate, level-headed description of who we are and what we're about. Of course he's opposed. But with opponents like this, who needs allies?

Advice columnists pick up the poly hot potato everywhere from Dear Margo, Ask Abby, and Dear Amy to the Jewish Daily Forward.

Out and Proud, or TMI? A different kind of advice columnist, Dan Savage, addresses the question of how out should out polys choose to be.

MTV’s hour-long documentary “I’m Polyamorous” turned out quite well, though one of the starring people gives us a behind-the-scenes account of how a lot of their best stuff got cut.

CNN treats polyamory as a real and significant alternative to monogamy in an article online and then on TV.

Poly Pride Day in New York — my report.

Win some, lose some, but gay marriage is coming. With settled, legally married pairs taking center stage, will the gay movement abandon its relationship radicals?

Plus print coverage from Britain, Poland, and Latin America — and watch TV news coverage from Canada, Spain, and France.

And more.

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Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front.

Here are the July, August, and September archives.

Here's where to sign up for the LJ friends feed. It's sometimes been slow to pick up new posts, so you might subscribe by a different feed instead.

I've done 346 of these reports in the last four years. They're sorted in the archive by date, topic, and sometimes location. I hope you have as much fun browsing them as I did creating them!

Happy November—

Alan

(Crossposted)

LJ feed syndication down again

2009-10-30T17:39:05Z

To the 417 of you who've signed up for the LJ friends feed for my Polyamory in the News site, the LJ syndication is again broken. It hasn't checked for updates in at least 7 days, though it's supposed to do it once an hour (and even says it's doing it).

You might consider using a more reliable syndication feed for Polyamory in the News, such as this one.

Recent posts:
CNN article on monogamy and the poly alternative
Will gay marriage leave relationship radicals in the dust?

Polyamory in the News

2009-07-21T02:09:42Z

What's the big wide world hearing and saying about us? Quite a lot.

How are the media presenting polyamory to your worried mom in Dubuque? Sometimes, in interesting and insightful ways.

If you haven't been keeping up with Polyamory in the News in the last three months — or haven't friended the nice LiveJournal feed for the site — here's some of what you missed:

"Multi-Love: It's Complicated", headlines a newspaper in Chicago — but, suggests this feature article, it can also be pretty darn nice.

The folks at Young Milwaukee Poly get themselves some excellent treatment on mainstream TV.

The Calvin Klein foursome billboard (they're not quite naked) raises nationwide ire. ABC News.com asks if it means polyamory is getting mainstreamed and finds a good poly spokesperson to discuss the matter intelligently.

ABC News.com also looks at whether a drive for legalized poly marriage is coming down the pike: "Some See Polyamorous Marriage as the Next Civil Rights Movement".

Governor Mark Sanford and his affair were touchy subjects for polys. Me, I saw a teaching opportunity and posted about it to the Polyamory Leadership Network; Loving More grabbed the ball and sent a press release to 150 media outlets; so far no takers; but keep an eye on Newsweek. Read all about it.

Why a duck? Poly and bestiality on Fox News. Bill O'Reilly, Glen Beck, and others go on a mini-jihad against triads, comparing them to marrying ducks and turtles; Gretchen Carlson tries to roast Jenny Block, who holds her own. Don't miss the Sex with Ducks parody video!

Charles Colson of Watergate fame, now a leading Christian, warns millions of evangelicals — people whom we're never going to reach — about loving, bonded poly groups who "walk down the street hand in hand in hand in hand." Yay!

Feminist Katie Roiphe declaims on open and poly marriages in the high-fashion magazine Harper's Bazaar: "Is our idea of love perhaps too narrow, too literal, too unimaginative?... It is an act of imagination to live differently from everyone else, and maybe, in rare and magnificent moments, it works." She describes, among other setups, an early-20th-century artists' ménage on an English estate and quotes an observer of it: "a triumph of reasonableness over the conventions."

A big-league TV production company holds a casting-call event in Seattle for a future poly reality show, tentatively called "Real Life Big Love." A dozen or more polyfolks show up; two report back on what happened.

"Strong nonmonogamous relationships are much like strong monogamous relationships," writes an advice columnist for Feministing.com. "The people involved talk about their feelings, their boundaries, and where they want the relationship to go." She lays out a seven-item "checklist for nonmonogamy." Elsewhere, on the other hand, another dating-advice columnist snarks at a horror date: "We were no more than two minutes into our first drink when he dropped a bomb. 'I’m Polyamorous,' he said. I coughed slightly and rolled my lychee martini around in my mouth, waiting to feel shocked or react at all, but instead I kicked into dating survival mode...."

"Why I Hate Monogamy". OpenSalon spotlights a fiesty essay by a triumphal enthusiast for her 23-year open marriage.

Dan Savage on dumb therapists who don't get it, and on Tristan Taormino, who does.

A roundup of rather different takes on poly in the gay world (including Dan Savage again).

An interview with Dossie Easton, co-author of The Ethical Slut, which is finally out in its second edition.

"Are Bisexuals the Glue that Holds Poly Together?" With some statistics.

Poly YouTubers. With SpongeBob SquarePants.

Plus recent poly in the media in Mexico, Argentina, Portugal, Sweden, the Netherlands, and France.

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Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front.

Here are the April, May, and June archives.

Here's where to get the LJ friends feed.

Phew — busy times! I've done 314 of these reports in the last four years. They're sorted in the archive by date, topic, and sometimes location. I hope you have as much fun browsing them as I do creating them!

Happy summer—

Alan

(Crossposted)

More Poly in the News

2009-04-05T12:42:12Z

Polyamory keeps turning heads in the mainstream (and not-so-mainstream) media. If you haven't kept up with Polyamory in the News in the last four months — or haven't friended the convenient LJ feed — here's some of what you missed:

On the Today Show site at MSNBC.com, a member of a happy poly quint discusses her household life and loves, finances and family meetings. 2,000 comments poured in the first day.

Current TV profiles Diana Adams, sexual civil rights lawyer and poly activist (and one of the brains behind the new Polyamory Leadership Network).

The polyfolks behind the ”Family” webcast series get profiled in the newspaper, nicely interviewed in a video news report, and win over radio talk jocks.

Creating Poly Culture: a British soap, Hollywood, webcomics, and Minx's strategic vision as laid out at the Poly Living Conference.

Honorary polys of the recession. You don’t have to be romantically involved to live happily with your two husbands. But it does take poly-type attitudes, and may draw CNN to your door.

“. . .and your NRE-besotted date nods and says ‘Oh, yes, I'm cool with that’ and smiles wonderfully at you, and you thank the Goddess that your date gets it — and on both sides, DeNile flows down to the sea.” Advice on delivering the “I’m polyamorous” message.

A Psychology Today columnist says we don’t exist, and we offer corrections.

A playwright explores poly themes in All My Love, running through May 10th. With reviews.

“Dear Prudence: The teens hate my triad!”

Morning shock jocks do a stinker. Remember that you can hang up on the air.

From Toronto, tales of queer poly life in the city.

Poly permeating goth culture, and its use there as an identity-creating meme even among non-polys, parallel to how Christian student groups use their abstinence meme.

Dating-site advice by and for TNG (“The Next Generation”): The more love you give away, the more you have to give. At least for some. Understanding the options from the outset.

More poly awareness on campus.

Poly in happy Denmark: “Love: Spend four days with a confident husband and three with a fiery lover, put three toothbrushes in the holder, and skip the bad conscience when Christmas dinner ends with a trip to somewhere else.”

Esquire magazine, in a thoughtful essay, proposes that “Big Love” and mainstream attention to polyamory show “that Americans are desperate to believe in a happy family again — any happy family. Far from declining under this revolution in who lives with whom, the American family is resurgent, even as it splinters into kaleidoscopically shifting arrangements of varying sizes and shapes and intensities.”

And more. . . .

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Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front.

Here are the January, February, and March archives.

Here's where to get the LJ friends feed.

I've done 284 of these reports in the last four years. They're sorted in the archive by category and sometimes location. Have fun browsing!

April cheers,

Alan

(Crossposted)

FANS webcomic again picks up the poly thread.

2009-01-10T06:15:25Z

Remember the FANS! webcomic? A few months ago, the tale of how three key characters formed their group marriage began as a flashback story here (and my comments about it are here).

Now, just in time for the polygamy bust in western Canada, a new phase of their story begins. Pick it up from here.

To recap: Alisin Worthington is now a nurse; Rikk Oberf has grown a beard and is head of Team Alpha saving the universe from various science-fiction menaces; Rumiko Tanaka is now Team Alpha's martial artist and morale officer. A new episode appears every weekday. Once again, I wonder where this is going....

Recent Polyamory in the News

2008-12-16T02:04:52Z

The stream of Polyamory in the News has continued during the last four months. If you haven't kept up with what the world has been saying about us — or haven't friended the nice LJ feed — here's some of what you missed:

The ruckus over the "monogamy gene," junk science, and my hunch why polys might test out as hyper-monogamous by this genetic standard.

One of the best-ever interviews explaining modern, Western polyamory was broadcast over Bush Radio in South Africa. You can watch the same lady appearing on South African TV.

The open-marriage variety of poly gets a fair and serious airing in Canada's conservative national newspaper, after some internal editorial drama.

Open marriages, and author Jenny Block, get more like a quickie trashing on Fox TV's Morning Show. Block and other good folks got a much better chance to say their piece on the Tyra Banks show a few days later.

In fact, the recent poly books like Block's keep getting us a lot of fair and honest media attention. I especially want to see the new novel Love You Two, the first, the author tells us, "to address polyamorous and bisexual relationships, particularly for young adults, in Australia." She seeks critical feedback.

Lots of coverage of Poly Pride Weekend in New York, including what happened, speeches from the stage in Central Park (mine included), and media coverage from the New York Times to, best of all, the neighborhood weekly Chelsea Now.

Out and proud: a student takes the plunge. Elsewhere, students explain poly from a queer perspective.

Poly coming to stage and screen.

Compersion for beginners in a young-women's magazine, plus opinions about the word.

An advice column from the Heinleinian poly-normal future falls out of a time machine into Canada's biggest national newspaper.

Meanwhile, a roundup of present-day poly advice columns.

"Family", a new webcast sitcom about what's shaping up to be a too-innocent triad.

And more. . . .

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Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front.

Here are the August, September, October, and November archives.

Here's where to get the LJ friends feed.

I've done 261 of these reports in the last three years. They're sorted in the archive by category and sometimes location. Have fun browsing!

December cheers,

Alan

(Crossposted)

Report on Poly Pride Weekend in New York

2008-10-07T03:39:48Z

I've put up my report on Poly Pride Weekend in New York that just ended yesterday. I hope to add more later.

I've also posted a wrapup of the associated media coverage.

Cheers!

Alan M.

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Keep up with Polyamory in the News!
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alan7388 @ 2008-08-14T07:46:00

2008-08-14T11:47:25Z

More Poly in the Media, from Fox News to Miss Manners

The last three months have seen a continued stream of Polyamory in the News, as you know if you've friended the nice LJ feed at LiveJournal polymedia.

So where's the conservative backlash already? The coverage we're getting -- the stuff your worried mother is reading (and your boss) -- continues to range from neutral to remarkably positive, by and large. Even a Fox News commentator had decent things to say.

Have the bigtime conservatives shot their wad (those are the items with my "critics of poly" tag) and quit? They've hardly peeped about us in more than a year — aside from the pro-forma mentions, which haven't changed in maybe a decade, that after gay marriage polys are the next step down the slippery slope to marrying goats.

Maybe they’ve realized that the more they call attention to us, the more people hear that polyamory is actually possible. So, have we been bracing for a storm that's not coming? I wouldn't bet on it; keep your wits and arguments sharp.

Meanwhile, if you haven't kept up with what the world is saying about us, here's some of what you recently missed:

"Redefining Love and Sex in Middle Age" appears in WomenBloom, an online magazine for middle-aged women seeking to remake their lives. This long, thoughtful article presents poly as a serious option for expanded your later-life horizons, if you're suited for it.

Similarly, MomLogic interviews Loving More's Robyn Trask respectfully and approvingly about her life as a poly parent.

Here are reviews of the season's three new polyamory books, and news of two more in the works. Two of the books' authors, Tristan Taormino and Jenny Block, have been doing book-promotion tours and generating media along the way, nearly all of it sympathetic.

For instance: "How not to become a desperate housewife"? Look into the poly option instead, suggests the mainstream Sunday Observer in London, which sent a reporter traveling around with Block.

"Whom, and how, would you love if no one ever told you how it was 'supposed' to be done?" writes the Baltimore City Paper. "Think about it for a moment. Would you love men or women? Would you love for life? Would you love in series or in parallel? What would you do if you had to create the rules from scratch?"

"Why is this stuff so hot right now?" asks Style in Virginia. The author of the piece doesn't try to answer this, so I give it a go.

A fifteen-year quad makes the news signing legal papers in California.

A mono guy at UC Berkeley marvels, in the student newspaper, at what polys can teach ordinary couples about how to do relationships well.

Everyone knows that polyamory is hard — it demands serious work, jealousy will strike, it'll test you bigtime, this ain't for wimps. Right? Not always. A writer at a women's webzine describes how she and her two triad partners handled it as easily and naturally as if they were born to it. Some people are.

Miss Manners, the standard-of-propriety newspaper columnist, advises on how best to introduce members of a poly triad to the more conservative guests attending a wedding.

In "Scenes from a Group Marriage", a nine-year-old boy, now grown, looks back on the good and bad that resulted when he unexpectedly went from having two parents to four. (The good: life in a big group household with extra parents and siblings. The bad: suddenly losing half his family when the grownups broke up.)

A feminist leader of Polyamorous NYC takes a starring role in a documentary about open relationships on the Women's Entertainment Network.

This new addition to the collection of poly webcomics is my favorite yet.

An oddity: Russian TV news -- which has become almost as state-controlled and divorced from reality as it was in the Soviet era -- reports that millions of Americans are going wild for polyamory and displays New York City's huge Gay Pride parade as a polyamory event.

Elsewhere in ideology-driven TV, the "FOXSexpert" on the Fox News site discusses polyamory quite evenhandedly and muses on whether you can be in love with more than one person.

Plus great coverage in Spain, Brazil, Mexico, and the Netherlands.

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Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front. Here are the May, June, and July archives.

Here's where to get the LJ friends feed.

I've done 239 of these reports in the last three years. They're sorted in the archive by category, month, and sometimes location. I hope you have as much fun browsing them as I did getting them up.

Cheers,

Alan

P.S.: See you at Loving More East Sept. 5-7, and at Poly Pride Weekend in NYC Oct. 3-4!

(Crossposted)

Three new poly books

2008-06-02T18:59:22Z

Yesterday, with unaccustomed time on my hands, I reviewed all three of the poly books that have just come out. (The last one arrived only a few days ago). Here ya go....

New burst of positive media coverage

2008-05-20T03:48:58Z

If you haven't been reading Polyamory in the News in the last three months — or haven't friended the nice LJ feed for it at LiveJournal polymedia — here's some of what you missed:

"Internet Pushes Polyamory to its Tipping Point". If this Wired magazine writer is right, the bandwagon is starting to roll downhill ahead of us. Should we run up and grab the steering wheel while we still can?

Redbook, Glamour, and Marie Claire all offer positive profiles of open and poly marriages.

Jenny Block, whose book on her poly life has just hit bookstores, becomes a feminist poly columnist for the Huffington Post. She asks us for our topic suggestions....

Time magazine devotes four pages to the bonobo culture wars (waged in the Wall Street Journal and alternative culture, not among the apes themselves), and to successful efforts to save their Congo habitat. Yes, Time concludes, the critters really do have something important to teach us about human possibilities.

When Tilda Swinton won an Oscar her poly relationship raised much buzz, which she handled with aplomb.

The Tilda Swinton buzz got Polyamory Weekly podcaster Cunning Minx a nice writeup in her hometown Chicago paper. And that got her on Chicago radio to take on a couple of dumb morning talk jocks.

Loving More magazine is back.

"Gleaned through work with my clients and a series of in-depth interviews," writes a New York therapist, "I offer you some examples of non-monogamous relationships, the elements that have them be workable, the challenges that come along with them, and the reasons why the people have chosen to set up their lifestyles and love-styles thus."

Akien MacIain, on the radio in a poly-versus-mono discussion: "In the beginning there was God. And God was infinite and knew everything, except what it was to be finite. So one day God split itself up into zillions of little bits and commanded them all forget that they were one, and to go figure out what it was to be finite. And so we are all those little bits of God the infinite, learning what is to be finite." Not what the mono side expected?

Voice of America, in a global TV news broadcast, plays it down the middle.

Good Poly 101 advice for Staten Island.

Deep in the Bible Belt, a founder of Focus On Christ Ministries denounces polyamory as depraved — and one of our best people, trained in theology by the Jesuits, returns a Biblical reply. Save this for discussions with your Christian relatives.

Poly makes splashes at the University of Maryland, Washington University in St. Louis, and University of North Carolina/Greensboro.

And finally, best of all: the Washington Post covered Loving More's Poly Living Conference with a long feature article. Never mind the mild snarks and cringe-makers. This is the best, truest-to-life article about us that I recall in the bigtime media.

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Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front. Here are the February, March, and April archives.

Here's where to get the LJ friends feed.

I've done 211 of these reports in the last three years. They're sorted in the archive by category, month, and sometimes location. I hope you have as much fun browsing them as I had creating them.

Now, for discussion: Loving More is surveying its members and supporters and asking, among other things, for their thoughts on the last three years of media attention. What to you think?

-- Great that the media are paying such positive attention; it’ll make our lives easier.
-- Nice that we’re getting this coverage, but they don't really get polyamory.
-- Doesn't matter.
-- May harm more than help.
-- Hate it; I don't want polyamory becoming visible.

Cheers,

Alan

(...who is always looking for news stories. If you see a noteworthy one that I miss, please let me know: alan7388 [at] gmail [dot] com.)

(Crossposted)

alan7388 @ 2008-02-12T07:45:00

2008-02-12T12:51:02Z

Recent Polyamory in the News

If you haven't been reading Polyamory in the News in the last three months — or haven't friended the nice LJ feed for it at LiveJournal polymedia — here's some of what you missed:

Is the poly-vs-swinging debate finally settling itself? On both sides of this cultural divide, people seem to be deciding it's a continuous spectrum on which you can position yourself where you wish. This has new relevance as swinging goes through an upsurge of mainstream attention — which will increase further when the primetime CBS-TV drama "Swingtown" debuts.

For a couple opening up to poly, well-thought-out relationship agreements are a fine idea. But be prepared to outgrow them. In particular, don't get snagged by the Symbol Over Substance mistake.

"An Open and Shut Marriage" in the New York Times is a study in how not to try. How many blunders can you count here? Please — research what other people have learned before setting out to reinvent this often difficult wheel. In the last 25 years the poly community has accumulated, through trial and error, a substantial body of wisdom.

A chain of New Age magazines decides to spread some of the wisdom: "Love Big".

"Why is polyamory offensive? ...The most telling reason is that it makes people explore their own relationships and the fears that reside within."

A couple in Florida, brimming to share what they've found, announce Poly 101 workshops for the public and get nicely written up in their local paper. Maybe you can too.

Rachel Kramer Bussell, a leading erotica author, wrestles with the case for open relationships. "Polyamory is not a panacea; if you think you'll cure any and all sexual longings or be free of jealousy simply by taking on new partners, you're probably in for a rude awakening."

Plus, gobs of positive coverage in Spain (with TV-news video), Norway, Germany....

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Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front. Here are the November, December, and January archives.

Here's where to get the LJ friends feed.

I've done 183 of these reports in the last 2 1/2 years. They're sorted in the archive by category, month, and sometimes location. I hope you have as much fun browsing this resource as I did creating it.

Cheers,

Alan

(...who is always looking for news stories! If you see noteworthy one that I miss, please email me: alan7388 [at] gmail [dot] com.)

Polyamory in the News: why such positive media?

2007-12-01T18:56:59Z

What is it about polyamory that’s getting us so much favorable attention in mainstream media these days?

If you haven’t been reading Polyamory in the News in the last three months — or haven't friended the nice feed at LiveJournal polymedia — here's some of what you missed:

The style magazine of the New York Post discovers the poly scene (one of them anyway) and portrays us as the hippest, most where-it’s-at people in New York City.

“Are open marriages more successful than traditional couplings?” asks ABC News.com. “That's like asking if monogamy works,” replies Deborah Anapol, whom ABC News tracked down. “Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. It depends almost entirely on the people involved and their willingness to tell the truth and do the work.”

A sympathetic religion reporter looks at religion and spirituality among polys for the Religion News Service. Yes, we have good church-going Christians.

A trans-queer triad bares all to a diet-and-gossip magazine. The story (at least the writer’s unedited version) is a heart-warmer.

The Shifting Meaning of the Word Polyamory. “When a concept goes mass-market it often gets cheapened and degraded. Even the most wonderful trend is liable to turn sour on going downmarket, much to its originators’ dismay....”

Songs of Polyamory, including Penelope Swales, Gaia Consort, and the new one making the rounds, “My Boyfriend's Girlfriend Isn't Me.”

“Dear Margo,” a top newspaper advice columnist, got a bit snarky toward polys, heard from many of us in reply, and as a result, came back with a wonderfully good piece educating middle America. Your great-aunt in Oshkosh may be thinking a little better of you after reading it.

Leaders of Loving More say their piece for an hour on Rev. Barry Lynn's talk show. (Listen to the mp3.)

A parenting magazine offers a sweet account of a tightly knit triad raising their young daughter: “And Baby Makes Four”.

All of which prompted a major essay analyzing “the strange credibility of polyamory” across a surprising swath of mainstream culture. Exactly why are we so lucky right now — and when does the backlash happen?

Plus, poly in South Africa and Germany; veto power as the nuclear option; poly rules that couples use (or not); more on open marriage including a new book in the works and a poly couple daring to appear on Oprah Winfrey....

Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front.

Here are the September, October, and November archives.

Here's where to get the LJ friends feed.

I've done 169 of these reports in the last two years. They're sorted in the archive by category, month, and sometimes location. Have fun browsing.

Cheers,

Alan

(...who is always looking for news leads. If you see something good that I miss, please email me: alan7388 [at] comcast [dot] net.)

Polyamory in the News

2007-08-23T00:47:59Z

Four upcoming poly books and one movie... some knockout mainstream media coverage... bi/poly internet dating... the most-read poly site's creator talks of toolkits and courage.... open marriage revisited... NASA considers relationships in a can of people flying to Mars....

This and more has been happening at Polyamory in the News in the last three months. If you haven't been checking — or haven't friended the nice feed at LiveJournal Polymedia — here's what awaits:

Behind the scenes at TV shows good and bad — and where to get expert help negotiating and prepping if you’d like to represent polyamory on the tube.

Poly and the uncomfortable reality of sex in space.

Four how-to books are in the works, and Dossie Easton talks about the Ethical Slut movie.

Open marriage, and handling jet fuel in a horse-and-buggy era.

When you meet a "Fucking Growth Opportunity."

Polygamy roundup: from awfulness in Africa to by-the-book Mormons showing how good PR is done.

Audio interview with Franklin Veaux. “Love does not conquer all, because love is an emotional state. An emotion by itself is not a plan of action. You wouldn't use love to try to solve your business problems. So why would you use love to try to solve your relationship problems?”

Miss Manners offers advice to newspaper readers on how to invite a poly family to a child's confirmation.

Your birth family’s unspoken secrets: “Rare is the person in a long-term monogamous relationship who hasn't been attracted to another. Seeing others apparently having their cake and eating it too — although it's not really quite that simple — can arouse sleeping resentment....”

Poly Pride on Swedish TV.

Arriving at polyamory by the swinging route.

Advice columns. Is lesbian poly harder? And more...

Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front. Here are the May, June, and July archives. And here's where to get the LJ friends feed.

I've done 141 of these reports in the last two years. They’re sorted in the archive by category as well as by month. Have fun browsing.

Cheers,

Alan

(...who's always looking for news leads. If you see something good that I miss, please tell me: alan7388 [at] comcast [dot] net.)

Happy 100th Birthday, Robert A. Heinlein

2007-07-06T19:44:30Z

Tomorrow, July 7th, will be the 100th birthday of the late Robert A. Heinlein, author of Stranger in a Strange Land, Time Enough for Love, and other books that did so much to inspire today's polyamory movement into existence. (See for instance Cherie L. Ve Ard's essay "Influence of the Science Fiction Writings of Robert A. Heinlein on Polyamory".

Many, many of us can trace our recognition of polyamory's potential either directly or indirectly back to him.

I've gotten a rumor that at the big Heinlein Centennial convention now happening in Kansas City, Secretary of the Navy Donald Winter will announce by a phone hookup that the first of the new Zumwalt-class destroyers will be named the USS Robert A. Heinlein in his honor. I suspect that this rumor grows out of pure wishful thinking, but we'll see. Heinlein fans in and out of the Navy, and in Congress, have been advocating for this.

Yanno, it's funny. Back in the 50's and 60's the subversive hunters in the House Un-American Activities Committee and elsewhere investigated the science fiction world pretty severely for promoting subversive ideas that might corrupt youth. But Heinlein was known as an ardent cold warrior and militarist and got a free pass. (Personally, I've called him "The only fascist pig I love and respect.") Hah! Stranger probably corrupted more youth than all other science fiction novels of the time combined, and it has been called "one of the books that made the Sixties happen."

Some of us are still happily corrupted, and are happily passing it on to others.

Polyamory in the News

2007-05-07T00:12:28Z

A burst of poly newspaper and TV reports arouses Great Britain... researcher finds polys have more testosterone (both sexes)... pitching polyamory in Mississippi as a choice of breakfast cereals... a Jewish spin, with R. Crumb... advice columnists who get it....

Lotsa stuff has been happening at Polyamory in the News in the last three months. If you haven't been checking — or haven't friended the nice feed at LiveJournal polymedia — here's what you missed:

CNN: "Special Report on Polyamory". You can watch the video.

From the city magazine of Edmonton, Alberta: " 'A poly relationship is a lot like gardening,' Patrick meditates. 'You spend so much time on your hands and knees mucking around in the dirty chores . . . you almost forget to straighten up, take a look around you, and see the beautiful things you’re helping to grow.' " With a how-to guide to starting out.

"The Soccer Moms of Sexuality", in which the New York Sun gets cute.

"A Love Triangle? Try a Hexagon", St. Petersburg Times. Major newspaper does big knockout article, based on some of our community's smartest and best-known folks.

Polys have the highest testosterone levels, monos the lowest, in a sample of people sorted by relationship style. With links to the research papers.

"I got you, you, you, you and you, babe", Times of London. Another big, generally good article in a major paper.

"Polyamory: A build-your-own-love kit". The Southern Mississippi University student newspaper dives into controversial waters. "Well Ed, polyamory says you don't have to buy just one cereal for the rest of your life... now, Fruit Loops and Apple Jacks can live in harmony in the same kitchen secure in the knowledge of your love."

"Shocking Sex Poll Results" ...only if you're shocked by liberal attitudes.

"The Loves That Dare Not Speak Their Names: The World of Polyamorous Jews", Heeb magazine. With guest appearance by honorary Jew, R. Crumb (whose French co-husband calls himself "a Situationist... an adventurer of the present").

"In Secret, Polygamy Follows Africans to N.Y.", New York Times. Traditional and Islamic polygamous awfulness.

Liberal Mormon polygamy? Not all Utah "pligs" are exploitive cultists, some of the wives argue at public events.

Advice column roundup, with six traits of people who make poly work.

"Hidden Lives: Three in a Bed". British TV presents a one-hour documentary on living-together triads. With link to the video (BitTorrent).

"Root for the Home Team". More wisdom from Seattle kink columnist Mistress Matisse.

"Sex Diaries of New Yorkers" in New York Magazine online, where polyamory repeatedly pops up in word and deed.

"She was just one of the people who shone." The trial of Angelika Kluk's killer transfixes Scotland — including the sidelight of her polyamorous relationship with a respectable local couple, and their explanation of what they had.

Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front; here are the February, March, and April archives. And here's where to get the LJ feed.

I've done 120 of these reports in the last year and a half. Have fun browsing the rich archive.

Cheers,

Alan

(...who's always looking for news leads. If you see something good that I miss, please write me: alan7388 [at] comcast [dot] net.)

Polyamory in the News!

2007-02-04T22:28:34Z

A movie being made of The Ethical Slut... Polyamory in The God Delusion... After 15 years, the word becomes official... Polys as the world's leading jealousy experts....

Lots of stuff has been happening at Polyamory in the News in the last two months. If you haven't been checking, here's what you missed:

“How Prevalent is Polyamory?” We are everywhere. . . or are we? Here's a collection of stats and surveys, and thoughts on what they mean.

The controversial British poly documentary “I Love You. And You. And You” has been rebroadcast — and at last you can see it on the web.

“Three on a match can be dangerous”, Chicago Sun-Times. Couples therapist Laura Berman goes on a tear against more-than-twoness, and members of the poly community rally in reply.

“Unfaithful? No, I just have too much love for one man”, Daily Mail, London. One of Great Britain’s “dreadful rags” is shocked, shocked!

“Monogamy, Polyamory, and Beyond”, Tikkun magazine. A leading progressive religious/political journal examines the possibilities that compersion — “sympathetic joy” in multipartnering — offers for spiritual advancement (dare we say evolution?).

“All Mine”, Herald-Sun, Australia. Are polys becoming the media’s go-to experts on understanding jealousy?

“Make Love; End Monogamy War”, Sydney Morning Herald, Australia. “Monogamy is the capitalism of the social world. It isn’t perfect and it’s mighty expensive, but no one’s actually come up with a viable alternative for the masses.”

German Green Endorses Poly; Brouhaha Ensues. The “Pippi Longstocking of German politics” raises eyebrows, and wins fans, across Europe.

“Polyamory” enters the Oxford English Dictionary, finally making it as officially an English word as possible. Jennifer Wesp, co-inventor of the word in the early 1990s, writes in to describe exactly where, when, and how she created it.

“What is commitment? Polyamorous perspectives on love, sex and relationships”, American Sexuality. Cascade Cook assembles a variety of polys’ takes on what commitment means to them and their partners. A good handout.

Polyamory cited in The God Delusion. Atheist author Richard Dawkins give us a good mention in his current blockbuster book.

The Ethical Slut: the movie! Filming begins this summer. A self-declared "Taoist" indie film company intends to give it a good, serious treatment.

Developments at Loving More: The magazine should soon be back on its feet. Meanwhile, Loving More and polyamory become a running plot element on NBC's Monday-night series “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.”

Swing/Poly Advocates Arouse Debate in China. And you thought Podunk, USA was messed up. . . .

"Not Too Emo", The Stranger, Seattle. "There is a key trait in people who do polyamory well, and it's this: They are good at regulating their strong emotions."

Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front; here are the December and November archives.

I've done 101 of these reports in the last year and a half. I hope you'll have as much fun browsing them as I did putting them together!

Cheers,

Alan

(...who's always looking for news leads. If you see something good that I miss, please write me: alan7388 [at] comcast [dot] net.)

alan7388 @ 2007-02-04T17:20:00

2007-02-04T22:20:37Z

Lots of good stuff has been happening at Polyamory in the News in the last two months. If you haven't been looking, here's what you missed:

“How Prevalent is Polyamory?” We are everywhere. . . or are we? Here are some stats and surveys and thoughts on what they mean.

The controversial British poly documentary “I Love You. And You. And You” has been rebroadcast, and at last you can see it on the web.

“Three on a match can be dangerous”, Chicago Sun-Times. Couples therapist Laura Berman goes on a tear against more-than-twoness, and members of the poly community rally in reply.

“Unfaithful? No, I just have too much love for one man”, Daily Mail, London. One of Great Britain’s “dreadful rags” is shocked, shocked!

“All Mine”, Herald-Sun, Australia. Are polys becoming the media’s go-to experts on understanding jealousy?

German Green Endorses Poly; Brouhaha Ensues. The “Pippi Longstocking of German politics” raises eyebrows, and wins fans, across Europe.

Polyamory cited in The God Delusion. Atheist author Richard Dawkins give us a good mention in his current blockbuster book.

The Ethical Slut: the movie! Filming begins this summer. A self-declared "Taoist" indie film company intends to give it a good, serious treatment.

Swing/Poly Advocates Arouse Debate in China. And you thought Podunk, USA was messed up. . . .

Poly Living Conference reminder

2006-12-30T13:24:32Z

Folks,

If the Poly Living Conference in Philadelphia is to happen this year (Feb. 2-4, 2007), they need you to register NOW rather than later, because the hotel requires a major nonrefundable deposit January 1st. On that date George Marvil's family has to make the Go/ No Go decision. For more info, see earlier post.

Hope to see you there!

Alan

Poly Living conference in Philadelphia Feb 2-4

2006-12-21T21:28:35Z

Folks,

As some of you may know, George Marvil, the founder of the Poly Living conference in Philadelphia and various pagan get-togethers, died of cancer recently after being ill for more than a year. His wife Cat intends to carry on Poly Living as his memorial, but she begs all who are considering going to please register by December 31st at the very latest, which is the hotel's deposit deadline. They want 100 registrants by then.

The cost is reasonable ($155 per person after discount; enter "bsmg" in the discount code box). The hotel in downtown Philly is very nice, and the rooms are reasonable $109 per night for the two nights; up to 4 people allowed in a room to split the cost).

For more info and to register: http://polyliving.com/ .

I went last February and had a wonderful time! I'm going again this year. If you want to know more of what it's like, I wrote up a report on my experiences:
http://www.polyamoryonline.org/articles/poly_living_2006.html .

--Alan

Keep up with Polyamory in the News!
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/

Polyamory in the News!

2006-11-23T16:06:12Z

Lots of good stuff has been happening at Polyamory in the News in the last two months. If you haven't been checking, here's what you missed:

Robyn Trask, editor/director of Loving More, chats up a storm on the Steve Douglas Show. Plus, comments on female poly leadership.

"Husbands And Wife," on CBS4-TV, Miami. A local TV news show does a dippy and breathless (but positive) report on the poly trend. Watch the video.

"Revelations of love triangle involving murder victim," Daily Mail, London (among others). A couple in conservative Scotland comes out as poly following the tragic murder of their third by a handyman. The gossip of Great Britain. Despite all, they explain polyamory well.

Poly 101 radio interview, in which Nobody's Angel makes her first media appearance.

"The Confession," National Review Online. Stanley Kurtz, bigtime anti-gay-marriage writer, publishes new proof that gays and their allies plan to use polyamory to abolish marriage for everyone and destroy civilization. With interesting rebuttals.

"Monogamy Getting a Tad Monotonous," The Sunday Independent. The largest newspaper in formerly conservative Ireland runs a long article musing on the shortcomings of monogamy -- and reporting on polyamory as a positive alternative.

"Lust Life: Polyamory," New York Press. "The first time I heard the term polyamorous, I was on a date with a guy who was simultaneously on a date with another woman.... That was two years ago...."

"Women In Love," documentary by Karen Everett, just out on DVD. "Sipping tea in a Santiago cafe and trying to swallow how ridiculously happy I felt, I decide I wanted to make a documentary about love." And about complicated poly life.

New Scientist author interview. Annalee Newitz's article on polyamory in a major science magazine last July was a milestone. Listen to the podcast of the author discussing the article.

"Things Polyamorous People Should Know," The Stranger (Seattle). Kink columnist Mistress Matisse serves some stiff doses of wisdom.

Polyamory on the Tyra Banks TV show. Some excellent people from our community dared to put themselves on the line on daytime TV -- with unexpected success.

Polly & Marie: a TV sitcom about polyamory is in the works! Watch the trailer, and send your comments to the show's creator, Reid Mihalko. Now if someone can just get a network to bite....

Poly comic strips: Strange Den, Spice, Queen of Wands, Blue Crash Kit....

"Designing for the future as it is now," Excalibur (York University, Toronto). A production of Noel Coward's classic 1932 play Design for Living, about what would now be called a triad, is reviewed from a modern poly viewpoint.

"The Revolution in Parenthood: The Emerging Global Clash Between Adult Rights and Children's Needs," from the Institute for American Values. Here's another important article indicating that "What about the kids?" will be the Right's argument of choice against polyamory -- one that deserves to be addressed seriously and at face value.

"Utah trio asks court to allow polygamy," The Daily Herald, Provo, Utah. Another polygamy-rights case is moving up through the courts.

"My Husband's Three Wives," The Learning Channel. Traditional polygamy, of the awful variety, in Texas.

Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front; here are the October and September archives.

I've done 88 of these reports in the last year, and I hope you have as much fun looking through them as I did putting them together. "Eat them up, yum!"

Cheers to all,

Alan

(...who's always looking for news leads. If you see something good that I miss, please write me at alan7388 [at] comcast [dot] net.)

alan7388 @ 2006-09-21T08:01:00

2006-09-21T12:01:36Z

It's been a jumping couple months at Polyamory in the News. Here's a list of items awaiting your perusal, in case you missed them:

"Love Unlimited: The Polyamorists" in The New Scientist. "The best, most important article about polyamory that I can recall.... ought to become our standard explanatory handout."

"Welcome to the World of Polyamory" in The Observer of London. "When you talk to polyamorists, they sound strangely calm and beatific, like mountaineers or mathematicians sometimes do — people who have grasped at something fiendishly complicated and scary, and rendered it simple and safe. Frankly, they do not always sound believable. But then, I come from planet monogamy...."

"The Make Love, Not War Species": National Public Radio on the state of the bonobos.

"Eyewitness News Investigates: Polyamory," WJZ-TV News, Baltimore. Nice piece; watch the video.

"I Love You. And You. And You." TV documentary, Great Britain's Channel 4. All about the awful "Tainted Love" poly show, including the most controversial character writing in to explain himself (twice).

"Beyond Same-Sex Marriage" movement is launched — with polys explicitly included.

"What can top sliced bread?" Metro West Daily News. You wrote letters, and a columnist did a 180.

"Two Mommies and a Daddy," The Christian Century. Know what conservative religious folks are saying about us, since we are most definitely on their radar.

"Beyond Marriage" manifesto sparks more dialogue.

More on the "I Love You. And You. And You" fiasco. How witty and cutting can those Brits be?

"What's the Opposite of Jealousy?" Tricycle magazine. A Buddhist take on responsible non-monogamy (and some Buddhists don't get it).

"Family Values" on Penn & Teller's Bullshit! You missed this classic?! Watch Nan Wise and her quad at their knock-down best.

"Teens Defend Polygamy at Utah Rally." They were impressive; watch for yourself.

"Cheater Seeks Cheater," Village Voice. From the sick-society department: a cheat-on-your-spouse personals site has a million members, compared to only 6,700 for the largest poly personals site. Why we goddamn well need a movement.

"How Does Warren Buffett Get Married?" The New York Times. The world's favorite investor and his two mates apparently lived in a happy triad of sorts for 20+ years.

"The 'Lifestyle': Real-Life Wife Swaps," ABC News Primetime. Let the poly vs. swinging foodfight recommence.

Here's the Polyamory in the News site, with the 10 most recent articles up front.

Here's the August archive and the July archive.

You haven't been reading these? Well get with it! I've done 65 in the last year, every one of 'em worth your time or your money back.

Cheers at all,

Alan

Asexuals

2006-04-27T01:37:32Z

Here's an interesting Alternet article: "Asexuals Unite"

What do you do if you're a self-proclaimed asexual and you fall in love with another asexual?

You cuddle and kiss and talk a lot. You go to dinner parties, bicker over movies, sleep in the same bed. Maybe you even snuggle up and spoon, the two of you curled up in a cozy double-S.

But it does not occur to you to make the beast with two backs. . . .

(The whole article)

Now before I get snarked, this is interesting from a poly point of view because it highlights how romantic love can exist, even thrive, without sex (a situation that posters here have talked about being in); because we may encounter such a person once in a while in our interesting lives; because members of one sexual minority should understand other sexual minorities -- and because one of the most thoughtful, conscientious regular posters here recently declared himself asexual. Thoughts?

Poly-in-the-media updates

2006-02-12T23:18:46Z

Here are news stories that I've put on the "Poly imPRESSions" blog at PolyandProud.com, with commentary, in the last six weeks. The URL:
http://www.viridiancity.com/polyblog/

"The Cuddle Puddle of Stuyvesant High School" (New York magazine)

"Dissolving Marriage" (National Review Online)

Deus Caritas Est -- "God Is Love" (Pope Benedict's first encyclical, remarkable for the material it gives us to justify ourselves to Catholics).

"A Marriage of Many?" (Southern Voice; fitting gay rights with poly rights)

"Sexplorations" (Columbia University Spectator)

"Marriage proposal: Why not privatize?" (San Francisco Chronicle)

"Legalize Polygamy, Study Urges" (Canadian Press)

"Harem, Scare 'Em: Worrying About Polygamy" (Wall Street Journal)

Comebacks to "Here Come The Brides"

"Here Come the Brides" (The Weekly Standard)

"Commitment in Polyamorous Relationships" (masters thesis)

Poly theme in Jean-Paul Sartre's "No Exit"

2006-01-25T23:58:58Z

My wife and I went to see a production of the play No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre. I believe it has a poly theme, and I'd like your opinions.

The play is famous. Three strangers, freshly dead and just arrived in Hell, are escorted by a demon valet into a nice hotel room, where they will be sealed up together for all eternity. They are a man and two women, one of them a lesbian. The play is best known for Sartre's signature quote: "Hell is other people."

I'd never seen the play performed, but I've known about it ever since I had deep high-school-era discussions of it with my first love when I was 16. I insisted to her that if hell is other people, heaven must be too. It is all up to us.

Watching the play, I thought I saw signs that the hotel room is meant to be not a hell but a purgatory, where salvation is still possible -- if the characters could only get it together. For instance: early on when the characters realize that they're meant to be each others' torturers (no demons required), the man proposes that they can beat the system and save themselves by sitting silently apart from each other and meditating on repentance.

Of course they can't keep this up for long. The lesbian behaves as a vicious domme toward the bubblehead socialite; the socialite displays stupid hots for the guy; he is disgusted with her but goes along to spite the jealous lesbian to her face. Within an hour and a half they're trying to murder each other and commit suicide with a letter opener conveniently furnished for them in the room -- but it turns out you can't die when you're already dead! Bwahahahaha!

Along the way, we learn that the defining sin for each of the three people in life -- the reason each has been sent to Hell -- was his or her behavior in a truly horrid triangle. And here they are locked together forever: in another, different three.

Now, Sartre had one of the first famously open relationships: with his lifelong partner Simone de Beauvoir (though he's generally judged to have treated her poorly.) I looked up a biography, and read that the two of them sometimes brought a third partner into their relationship. (In fact, says a recent biographer, de Beauvoir's first novel, She Came to Stay, "was based on the trio that she and Sartre formed with a younger woman called Olga Kosakievicz.") So Sartre was familiar with functioning in MFF threesomes (yes, de Beauvoir was actively bi) and, presumably, in longer-term triads. And even when not in a threesome, he and de Beauvior famously agreed to tell each other all about their other lovers.

This had to affect his thinking when writing the play.

I say No Exit has a little-noticed poly message quite different from the unrelenting bleakness that most people see in Sartre. If the characters were literally at each other's throats 90 minutes after their arrival in the room, where will they be after a year in there, or 20 years, or 600? Their hell was arranged to fit their sins. It is up to them to redeem themselves: by learning to treat partners in a threesome with love and devotion as they never did in life, and thus create their own salvation right in that room -- since they'll be closed up there for eternity. If they want to get to heaven, this is where they must make it.

Consider: Sartre makes a big point of stating that the room is furnished with no mirrors, and that even the women's make-up mirrors have vanished out of their purses -- and therefore (as he has a character say), the only way they can ever see themselves again is by the tiny reflections that show when they look deep into another person's eyes. I say there's a message of redemption here overlooked by critics who lack Sartre's poly life experiences (even considering how dysfunctional those experiences sometimes were).

Commentators have said that he couldn't have had a totally hopeless view of humanity if he (and de Beauvoir) thought his leftist causes were worth the trouble of supporting and getting arrested for. A cynic wouldn't have bothered.

And just now I found a statement by Sartre himself (in the preface he wrote for the Deutsche Gramophon recording of No Exit) that the characters in the play can indeed create their own redemption: "In No Exit I wanted to show the importance of freedom to us; that is, the importance of changing acts by other acts. No matter what circle of hell we are living in, I think we are free to break out of it."

I'd like your opinions, especially from Sartre fans who know more about this.

Poly imPRESSions blog update

2005-12-24T20:15:12Z

News stories/links that I've put on the "Poly imPRESSions" blog at PolyandProud.com in the last several weeks:

-- "Three of Hearts" movie: interview with triad member on NPR
-- Bay Area called hotbed of 2,000 polys (three newspaper articles)
-- "Polyamory? Your how-to guide..." (Utne Reader)
-- Montel Williams TV show (and how to see it)
-- "Stuck on Youse" (Maclean's magazine)
-- The New, Not-Quite Monogamy (New York magazine)
-- "Seriously Polyamorous" (The Observer, London)
-- "The More the Marry-er" (New York Post)
-- "Monogamy: Here Today, Gone Tomorrow" (Foreign Policy)
-- The Baltimore Sun covers a Loving More conference

Good reading,

Alan7388